| I reaffirmed my commitment to Jesus during an encounter that I had with the Lord in a hotel room in July of 1967. Prior to that experience, I had been a very successful manufacturer’s representative in the apparel business. I was often called upon to give motivational talks to my fellow salesmen. My talks reflected the teachings of the volumes of motivational books that I had read. I offered instructions on how to control buyers through intimidation and manipulative mind games. Subsequent to my divine encounter, I renounced the methods that I had used to elevate me to the position of being the number one salesmen in my division. Much to my chagrin, I soon discovered that the practices that I had renounced were common in most Christian circles.
There is a game, which we all play, that can become destructive. It is played between church staff personnel and members of churches, between mature Christians and new believers, and in marriage relationships. It is called manipulation. In its extreme form, it discourages sincere believers, wrecks marital relationships, and is a primary factor in wounding children to the point where they will become dysfunctional adults. It is benign when entered cheerfully and all concerned know that the game is in play, but it becomes dangerous when used as a perpetual tool to impose one’s plans and viewpoints on those around him.
Manipulation is the effort that is used through the force of one’s personality to get others to comply with one’s clear or hidden agendas. The word "manipulation" is not a biblical term. There is, however, another word that describes a sinful work of the flesh, which is surprisingly akin to it. The term is "sorcery" or "witchcraft." Witchcraft could be described as the effort to get others to behave in a certain manner through the use of covert mental or spiritual powers. It is sinful in that its primary goal is to establish control over other’s actions without consideration of the will of God or the other party’s wishes. In 1 Samuel 15:23, the two common means of manipulation that are defined as being the same as witchcraft and idolatry, are rebellion and stubbornness. A rebellious person seeks to establish his will in a situation where the authority belongs to another. A stubborn individual values his personal opinions higher than the thoughts of others. A person who is operating in this form of witchcraft attempts to make those, whom he feels are subservient to him, comply with the dictates of his opinions and agendas.
Pastors are playing the game when they whimsically mention to a well-off parishioner that the Lord has promised to supply them with a certain item that they do not yet have the funds to buy. It can be observed at work in mature Christians as they look on the dress or speech of younger believers with an all-knowing, critical air. This type of body language often causes the immature to agonize over the possibility that they have somehow offended divine protocol. Nonetheless, it serves the manipulative purposes of the hyper-religious. They have a soul in their grasp panting for their spiritual approval.
In the marriage relationship both men and women play the manipulation game, but their tactics tend to vary somewhat. Men are, at times, vague in their initial communication about what they expect. If they do not obtain compliance that meets their expectations, they often react either through intimidating outburst of verbal abuse or sullen pouting. For instance, a child who does not perform an assigned task in a manner that pleases his father could spark the father to scream repeatedly, citing the child’s stupid ineptness. Or, the father could slip into a state of seething anger, wherein he sullenly glares disapprovingly at the offender for days on end. Children raised without routine, strong paternal affirmation can become misshapen in their sense of self-worth.
Women are masterful in their ability to manipulate through their verbal skills and body language. A husband may offer a suggestion for an activity that is unappealing to his wife. She may respond with a roll of her eyes, which communicates that his idea is ludicrous. If the objectionable plan is pursued, she might feign a headache or shed a few tears. Or, if a family member does not comply with her agenda, she might respond with statements that question the other one’s love for her or her own worth as a member of the family: "If you really loved me, you would…." Or, "I guess I am the worst wife in the world. You would have been better off to marry someone else." The family responds by complying with her desires in order to reinforce their love for her and her value to them. When a child is raised in an environment in which his emotions are kept on edge because his love for a parent is continually being questioned, he can become a dysfunctional insecure adult.
No one has the right to assert dominion over the lives of others through continual mind games of manipulation. Christians who have employed manipulative tactics should renounce them as surely as they would renounce overt contact with the occult. Healing will also come to those that they might have wounded if they humbly ask their forgiveness.
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