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I’m now in my 4th decade as an active Bible teacher, pastor and counselor. The latter is by far the most challenging. It’s often particularly so when dealing with the sin of premarital sex. This article defines and offers solutions to the pertinent issues.
Basics
The intimate relationship between married, non-same-sex couples is holy. It shadows the union between Christ and His Church through faith in the atoning work of Calvary. The intimate oneness and knowing of one another spirit, soul and body achieved through the act of marriage symbolizes the optimums of the same that Jesus and His Bride are to desire one with the other. (Eph 5:25-32) Unlike human marriage, the Lord’s infinite love for His own is expressed without sexual union. As a mystical and spiritual union, it has ever-increasing glories that surpass anything possible in the natural realm. Premarital sex, adultery and homosexuality defile the Blood of the Covenant wherewith Jesus purchased His eternal companion, the Church. All of such are sinful. (1Co 6:9-10, 15-20, Heb 10:22, 29, 12:14, 1Jo 3:2-3)
At salvation, the conscience is washed clean by the Blood of the Lamb. Slight ventures into any forbidden area in thought or deed produce instantaneous pangs of conscience. That sensitivity is the essence and propagator of experiential holiness. It reflects the presence of faith’s positional holiness.
Christians should guard those holy sensitivities with vigilant care. The problem is that many don’t. Premarital sex is not confined to explorations by teens. Never married and divorced adults who speak of depths of love for God and His Word are just as apt to be ensnared. Tragically, knowledge of the duplicities of adults undermines teen’s perceptions about the need of holiness to maintain viable relationships with the Lord.
Shipwrecks
Each event of compromising with sin applies a hot iron to the conscience. Successive encounters with sin’s scarring influences renders hearts callously stony about particular sins. (1Ti 4:1-2) The lame justifications and rationalizations mire people further into sin’s glamorous deceptions. God knows my heart; it’s an inherited weakness; we plan to marry someday; biblical characters did the same and still enjoyed God’s blessings; and other excuses run on and on.
Continuous rejections of conscience shipwreck souls. (1Ti 1:19) Few whose hearts condemn them have the confidence to believe that God will respond to their prayers. (1 Jn. 3:21-22) Thus, the Body of Christ that is to perform mighty exploits to demonstrate God’s love for the world remains in the mediocrities of self-exile.
Needed Antiseptic
With all of the aforementioned in mind, Christians are to endeavor to become perfect in holiness in fear of God. (2Co 7:1) For many, there is no room in their theology for any aspect of fear to be coupled with Christianity. That is troublesome, because the fear of the Lord is an elementary biblical concept that all believers should embrace. The Son of God and most of the authors of the New Testament spoke about the fear of the Lord. The disciples of the Early Church walked in it. (Mat 10:28, Act 9:31, 2Co 7:1, Heb 4:1, 1Pe 1:17, Rev 15:4) In addition, the Bible speaks about believers working out salvation with fear and trembling. (Phi 2:12) Salvation is worked out by complying with the responsibilities inherent with claiming the Lordship of Jesus. The fear and trembling that is spoken of is by no means mild. The Greek words are phobos and tromos. The English words that are derived from them are phobia and traumatic.
Some cannot understand how one can simultaneously love the Lord and fear Him. Actually relational love is incomplete without elements of fear. I love my wife and I also fear doing anything that would lead her to believe that I do not treasure her feelings. I tremble at the thought of doing anything that might bring injury to our relationship. Such sensitivities should be heightened, not lessened in relationships with the Lord
The Psalmist said the fear of the Lord is clean and that it endures forever. (Psa 19:9) The ancient Hebrew word for clean is used in contemporary Israeli society for antiseptic. That is exactly what the Body of Christ needs. The fear of the Lord will serve as the much needed, cleansing antiseptic for those who engage in premarital sex.
Two Camps
There are two camps within the Kingdom in regard to premarital sex. Both are equally dear to God. The first are those who have not yet developed calloused hearts. Teens and adults that have rare slips would fall into this category. For them, sincere repentance and cultivating new vistas of love for the Lord and a reverential fear about improprieties are the solutions.
Reality Check
It may not be that simple for everyone in the second camp. They have likely already gone through repentance sessions. Unfortunately, they habitually give in to subsequent sensations of temptation. They would do well to assess the realities of their walks with the Lord.
Yes, they love the Lord. However, their love for Him is not strengthened by cautions about acts that might grieve Him. Momentary longings for sexual gratification outweigh all that they should ideally treasure. Such conditions should be recognized as realities, but not finalities.
Different Strategy
Most adult Christians who practice premarital sex are monogamous. They fully believe that their partners are God’s choices for matrimony. Many might confide that they’ve had more than one relationship that had inklings of being the godly choice. In such situations many mysteriously quickly compromise biblical sexual standards while being circumspect about all the other criteria for a suitable life partner. Some wait for a burning bush experience to insure that the choice is right. Others expect that God will fully obliterate all of the intended’s objectionable qualities before marriage. Meanwhile they reserve the right to engage in the act of marriage without officially making the holy commitment inherent with it. Such are unadulterated deceptions.
The Bible is a very practical book. It says that it is better to marry than to burn with longings for sexual intimacy. (1Co 7:9) Marriage is the biblical antidote. Physiological stimuli and physical attractions are God-given mechanisms that help people discern whom they are to marry. God has never restricted the signs solely to mountaintop spiritual experiences. Most couples that have been happily married for decades discovered that their mates were the right ones in retrospect rather than by foreknowledge of divine orchestration.
Some complain that they don’t want to prematurely jump into a marriage that will be trouble ridden. The Bible declares that marriage and troubles are soul mates. This truth is capsulated in ICo 7:28 - Those who marry will have trouble in this life. Most acknowledge that shortly after their honeymoons, their partners mutated into characters that they did not know. At the end of the day, it is commitment rather than passion that produces enduring love.
Conclusion
Marriage enables those who habitually fall into premarital sex to legitimately satisfy their propensities. Then they can get past the shame and cultivate the qualities of faith and the love and fear of God that are becoming for those who call on the name of the Lord.
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