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The Epistles of the New Testament abound with admonitions against moral and ethical misbehavior. The ones we commonly hear are those pertaining to such things as sexual improprieties, lying, obscene and profane language and so forth. There is another that is rarely mentioned, but is just as abhorrent for professing Christians. It is the practice of being a busybody, one who pries into the personal affairs of others. The Apostle Peter listed such people in the same lot as murders and thieves (1Pe 4:15).
The cited exhortation implies that those who persist in attempting to function as uninvited overseers in the affairs of others will suffer. Throughout my Christian life, I’ve seen believers suffer the consequences of meddling. Nosy parents who incessantly attempt to adjust the lifestyles and childrearing strategies of adult children don’t experience harmonious family visits. Individuals who condescendingly interrogate co-workers about their habits and political opinions are not sought out for lunchtime chats. Whole sectors of the Church have alienated would be prospects for evangelism by publicizing pushes for legislation that would compel the unconverted to act and think like the converted. Breached relationships plague fellowships where high-minded spiritualites exhort lesser souls about practices that are matters of personal conscience.
My wife Prudence has a saying that exemplifies that her character reflects the inherent wisdom implied by her name. Unsolicited advice is apt to be interpreted as criticism. For most people, commentaries and intrusions about personal matters are insults to one’s sense of identity and dignity. Many skillfully sidestep encounters with those who don’t recognize the perimeters of things that are non-of-their-business.
As a general rule, the propriety of initiating recommendations about people’s affairs diminishes according to the recipient’s distance from one’s immediate spheres of authority.
- A spouse has the right to speak to their spouse’s behavior in matters pertinent to marriage vows, childrearing, family finances, substance use and so on. In instances where vocations and avocations don’t violate any of the preceding, any uncalled for lectures prove ineffectual and disruptive.
- It is legitimate for a parent to inquire about the friends, habits and spending of their children. The older a child gets, the more necessary it becomes to use discretion with such inquiries. It is not unusual for the children of control freak parents to rebel against their parent’s values when reaching adulthood. We raised four daughters who esteem the Lord’s presence and are productive citizens. After they reached their mid-teens we began to loosen the apron strings in faith that godly values were well instilled within them. We let them make their own decisions about such things as dress, entertainment and whom they would date. When less than ideal situations surfaced, we offered single admonitions. Subsequently, we simply prayed that the child would correct things via their own volition in compliance with the biddings of the Holy Spirit. Of course, our resolve was tested., but we found God inevitably faithful. After our daughters’ prospective spouses passed the initial livelihood quizzes when asking for their hands in marriage, we didn’t pry further. To this day, we have never instigated conversations about incomes, lifestyles nor disciplining children. Our position is that of a support team and we offer suggestions on the issues of life only when specifically asked. By God’s grace, our sons-in-law have labeled my wife mother-in-love and all seem to treasure time with me.
- The workplace can be treacherous for believers who are too nosy about co-worker’s salaries, feelings about the company’s policies and off-work pursuits. It is not uncommon for good-intentioned counsel to be turned into a weapon to discredit reputations and chances for advancement.
- Some spiritual leaders are ensnared by an exaggerated sense of necessity to be intimately involved in every aspect of the lives of those within their sections of the Lord’s flock. The consequences have offended and wounded sheep and ruined ministries. It is best to limit assumptions about area’s of people’s accountability solely to matters pertinent to spiritual/church functions and a particular group’s understanding of acceptable conduct in relation to the world. The Bible delegates the responsibility for most things beyond those realms to individuals and immediate family authority figures. How people spend their money, give in offerings, discipline their kids, keep house, utilize leisure time, and vocational choices fall within the sacred grounds of personal conscience. The exception would be troublesome areas that persons might submit for discipleship guidance. In all of such, suggestions should be presented as meek-spirited entreaties as opposed to holier-than-thou mandates. The primary objective in discipleship is twofold: The event of liberating those under one’s tutelage to enjoy the blessings that faith in Christ can provide and the honor of unencumbered pursuit of their spiritual callings.
Every Christian would do well to keep this passage from the New Living Translation in mind - 1 Thessalonians 4:11 This should be your ambition: to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we commanded you before.
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